


slow down baby (or you're gonna explode)

by mr_charles



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/M, Loss of Virginity, Premature Ejaculation, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 17:19:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2660150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mr_charles/pseuds/mr_charles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed's never been on a date. Or been with a woman. Jim and Barbara help fix that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	slow down baby (or you're gonna explode)

**Author's Note:**

> don't drink a lot of rum and then start talking to a friend about Cory Michael Smith naked because this happens

It’s a hot summer day. The precinct feels more like a sauna and Jim is pretty sure Harvey will get arrested if he keeps staring at every civilian woman who keeps coming in. 

“This is my favorite time of year, Gordon,” he says languidly from his desk. “Look at them!”

All Jim sees is a sea of short, colorful tops and bare legs. He thinks of what Barbara what might be up to in this— 

“Have either one of you seen _Eraserhead_?” 

“Go away, Nygma,” Bullock mutters. “I’d like to stare at these women without you lurking over my shoulder.”

“What is it, Ed?” Jim asks.

Before he can say anything, Bullock interrupts. “Hot damn! Look at her!”

Against his better judgement, Jim looks. Ed nervously peers over as well. The woman Bullock is referring to is wearing a low-cut purple dress. Well, it’s barely long enough to be considered a dress. Her heels are high, her makeup garish, and she’s insisting to talk to an officer. Probably a hooker wanting to tell the cops some john robbed her.

“Go talk to her, Nygma,” Bullock elbows Ed in the ribs. “Maybe she need an _oral examination_.”

Nygma opens and closes his mouth several times before turning bright red and running off. He actually _runs._ Jim rolls his eyes at Harvey. 

 

About two months later, Nygma gets brought along to help investigate after a bomb goes off at a local bank. He’s scraping underneath the nails of one of the few living victims. She’s a pretty blonde and her blouse was ripped in the blast. Nothing obscene but there’s a hint of her functional white bra showing even after she’s been wrapped in a shock blanket. 

Jim interviews her while Nygma collects samples of soot and shrapnel from her hair. She answers his questions efficiently but often lets her eyes drift back to Ed. She smiles at him and his ears go pink but he doesn’t do much else.

“You should go talk to her,” Jim offers afterwards. “She’d probably give you her phone number.”

Nygma flushes. “I don’t— I’ve never been with…on a date.”

 

Jim doesn’t know what brings him to tell Barbara about it. They’re curled on the couch and watching some old movie together.

“You could always try and set him up with one of your coworkers?” she offers. 

Jim shakes his head. “No, I feel like he _needs_ to see how a couple works. I don’t think he has any idea.”

Barbara looks at him. Something clicks between them. 

 

It takes two weeks to convince Ed to come over for dinner. He rides over with Jim after work on a Friday evening. The car ride is awkward and quiet. Jim doesn’t know what’s happening tonight. Ed fidgets the whole way to Barbara’s apartment. 

Barbara makes an autumn salad for dinner with lemonade to go with it. Jim was hoping for something stronger to drink. She’s still dressed from work, in a cap-sleeved blouse and pencil skirt.

“Thank you, Miss Kean,” Ed says politely as he sits down.

“Call me Barbara,” she says, letting her hand trail off his shoulder. His ears turn pink. “Are you seeing anyone, Ed? Can I call you Ed?”

He clears his throat. “N-No. I mean there’s this girl who works for the filing department but I— no.” A pause. “And yes! Yes, you can call me Ed, Miss K… Barbara.”

Jim wants to snort. It’s like watching a middle schooler trying to flirt with his teacher. Dinner is surprisingly easy. Ed keeps Barbara giggling with riddles and puns. He and Jim discuss cases. Jim and Barbara talk about vacation plans. 

Then dinner is over and suddenly Jim feels awkward. Barbara asks him to help clean up. As soon as they’re in the kitchen, Barbara is on him. She kisses him like she hasn’t seen him in weeks.

“Hey is the painting in your living room r— oh.”

Barbara pulls away and smiles at him. “Stay. Please.” The flush is creeping up from Ed’s collar. “Jim and I want you to see us. Don’t we, Jim?”

He’s on the spot. Dammit, Barbara. “I just figured, y’know, if you saw how a couple works, you’d be more confident with the girls.” It’s a lame excuse but how else do you say _hey coworker! wanna have a threesome with me and my girl?_

Barbara walks over to Ed and holds her hand out. He takes it and she leads him to their bed— _their_ bed. Jim follows. She perches on the edge as does Ed. “If you want to leave, you can,” she says gently, still holding his hand. “You don’t have to see or do anything you don’t want to. Promise.”

Ed nods, swallowing audibly. “Okay.”

“So what do you want?” Barbara asks.

Ed’s eyes dart from Jim to Barbara. He pauses. Jim thinks he’s going to bolt. Finally— “I want to watch you.” His voice is small but steady. 

“Jim,” Barbara says, turning to where he’s standing. “Go get a chair. Ed wants to watch.”

 

Jim wants to show off, he really does. He wants to put Barbara on her hands and knees and fuck her mouth and make her scream. He wants to make her come again and again and again. But this is not the time for that. When Ed is settled in the chair, angled for an optimal view of the bed, Jim takes his place seated next to Barbara. Barbara is unbuttoning and untucking her blouse. Jim stops her before she can start on her skirt.

“Oh please, Jim. We both know that I have to be the one who gets this thing undone,” she laughs. She wriggles out of her skirt, standing in front of them in her simple blue underwear. She does a shameless twirl, giggling. 

Ed’s face is a deep shade of pink and there’s a obscene bulge in his skinny trousers. Jim starts laughing. Ed does too after a minute. Then the mood gets serious again as Barbara slides into Jim’s lap. He knows from this angle, Ed can see where Barbara grinds against him. Jim grabs Barbara’s ass and crushes her against him, kissing her hard. It takes awhile to get Jim’s clothes off because he doesn’t want Barbara to get off of him. But then she’s pushing her bra off and sliding between his legs and oh _god_ he’s forgotten how good her mouth feels around his cock. He reaches down and roughly palms one of her breasts and she moans. 

He wants to grab her hair and fuck her throat but instead he says “c’mon babe, my turn”. Barbara gives his cock one final lick before sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs spread. Jim’s always liked doing this. He likes the noises Barbara makes when he noses at her through the damp fabric of her panties. He likes how she squirms and makes impatient noises when he takes his time getting her panties off. And finally he loves, he _loves_ the noises she makes when he finally gets his tongue on her. 

Jim hears a zipper and then that wet flesh sound and oh yeah, he forgot they had company. He flicks his tongue against Barbara’s clit and she comes with a whine before falling back against the bed. He keeps licking her softly, avoiding her sensitive nub, while she giggles quietly and tries to push him off. She lets out a yelp when he noses at her clit and he kisses it in apology before moving up and kissing her. She licks the taste of herself off of his mouth and is muttering mindlessly, tipsy on her orgasm still. Her mouth is red and slick with her own wetness but when he sits up, he can hear Ed whining behind him and he gets an idea. He looks at Barbara and gestures. 

She nods.

“Hey Ed,” Jim says, sounding more breathless than anticipated. “Do you want her?” He glances at him and realizes _oh shit_ because Ed is quickly trying to put himself back in his pants but his hand is shiny and sticky in the light and well Jim’s not surprised he didn’t last long and— “Come touch me, Ed,” Barbara beckons. She’s sprawled nude across the bed, slick between her smooth legs and Jim’s about to pass out from all the blood rushing to his dick. 

“I— I— but I…” Barbara cuts him off.

“Ed, take your clothes off,” she says, propping herself up on her elbows. “And come _touch_ me.”

“You heard the lady,” Jim offers. 

Ed stands and strips quickly and awkwardly. He almost trips when he kicks his shoes off. He yanks his tie off and his suspenders follow. He gets tangled in his own undershirt and Barbara giggles quietly when he hops out of his pants. He might be skinny but it’s a squeeze to fit the three of them on the bed so Jim slides off and sits in the chair as Ed lies next to Barbara. His hands must be cold because Barbara gasps as he trails his fingers across her breast.

“Can I kiss you?” He’s so quiet that Jim barely hears him, despite being close. Barbara smiles and nods. He’s clumsy as he kisses her but Barbara takes control quickly. Soon he’s whining again and hurriedly rolling on top of her.

Okay so Nygma’s narrow, pale ass is not an ideal sight for Jim’s hard-on but soon he’s kissing down Barbara’s neck and all Jim wants to do is lavish her breasts in bites and kisses. Ed’s fingers are unsure when he gets them on Barbara’s cunt but she’s soft and gentle and tells him what do to.

“See if you just get your— oh yes,” she sighs, relaxing into the bed as his fingers play at her clit. He bites her breast playfully and they end up in giggles. Jim feels like he should feel jealously or some other negative emotion but then Barbara is moaning deeply and clenching her thighs around Ed’s quickening fingers and the noise she makes when she comes again makes Jim start stroking himself slowly. 

“Ah!” Barbara cries out, pushing Ed’s fingers away. His face crinkles in worry. “Too much,” she sighs. “Give me a second.” She _oof_ s and takes a few deep breaths.

“How did I do?” Ed asks cautiously.

“Oh, you did _wonderfully_ ,” Barbara tells him, patting him on the thigh. Jim wonders if she’s playing it up for his ego. Well, it’s working, judging by the fact he looks like he’s about to burst again any second. 

Barbara pushes him against the pillows before reaching to the nightstand and fishing out a condom. “Are you sure about this?” she asks, tearing the packet open. He nods so enthusiastically that Jim worries he’ll hurt his neck. She rolls the condom on before lowing herself onto his cock. 

Jim’s not going to admit that Ed’s groan when Barbara settles made his dick jump a little. 

Barbara is whispering encouragements to him, guiding his hands to her hips. Jim’s hand on his dick speeds up to match Barbara’s rhythm. He watches her hips move as she starts to ride Ed in earnest. Ed buries his face in her neck and his hips rise up to meet her and the noises Barbara’s making are not just for the kid’s ego. 

“Good boy,” she murmurs as he leans to bury his face between her breasts and she fists her hands in his short hair to keep him there. He moves one hand off her hip to press his fingers to her clit.

Jim isn’t sure who comes first. One minute, Barbara is riding Ed and gasping, the next moment the two of them are slumped together and Jim’s fist is sticky with come. Barbara leans up and kisses the top of Ed’s hair and he chuckles. Gingerly, she moves off of him and shows him how to tie off and throw a condom away. 

Then it gets awkward. Ed’s smile fades and he starts to get up, mumbling about getting a cab home. “Stay,” Barbara says. “Please?”

So that’s how Barbara ends up sleepy and snuggled between Jim and Ed after everyone’s cleaned up. She snuggles up behind Jim and Ed snuggles up behind her. It’s weird and blankets get stolen in the night but Jim thinks it’s kind of nice.

He just really hopes it doesn’t come and bite him in the ass later.


End file.
